You get in a fight with a cousin where he was in the wrong, he goes to your aunt and uncle and tells them about it and they side with him. That’s called triangulation and it’s something that comes up often in trauma therapy, which Mr. Orlans and Dr. Levy specialize in.
Sometimes it is intentional, states PsychCentral, with a goal in mind, like meeting thier needs, controlling others, getting attention or keeping the truth of a situation hidden.
“For example, say that you know a person who is a pathological liar and despite everyone knowing what the truth is (or probably is), the person chronically tells lies. In order to gain some kind of credibility, the pathological liar might tell a family member the same story and then come back to you and say “well…aunt Kimberly and grandma Lele believes me.” Out of curiosity and to also warn them of the lie, you make a phone call to each one and tell them about the lie. They become curious about why you are so angry and concerned and begin to question you. While they question you, you become even more frustrated and ask them how they could even believe the lie. You are now shocked, and perhaps even hurt, that they have questioned your credibility that you hang up on them. Now you’ve got a triangle that is hard to detangle because the true trouble-maker (the person who told the lie) has now gotten you involved and against your aunt and grandma.”
The article says that it’s important that you tread lightly and try to remain as separate as possible as you uncover the truth.
This type of behavior may be symptom of deeper emotional problems related to trauma. Here are the three components of triangulation:
- Victim: This label describes an individual who carries an attitude, in some situations (if not all), of “poor me.” While there are cases in which the person is the victim (due to how they are being treated by others), the triangle describes a person who creates a triangle in such a way that they become the “victim.”
- Persecutor: This label describes an individual who attacks the others who are participants in the triangle.
- Rescuer: This is a person either within the created triangle or outside of the triangle that acts as a rescuer or someone who is the “saving grace.”
