As a parent or caregiver of a child who has experienced trauma or neglect in early childhood, you are probably routinely on a rollercoaster ride of emotions with them. You likely also routinely witness temper tantrums and impulsive, sometimes destructive and maybe even dangerous behaviors.
It is important to know that these outbursts don’t mean that a child is a ‘bad kid,’ but rather, that their early childhood experiences have interfered with a basic developmental step. The ability to regulate and control one’s impulses, emotions, and arousal level is learned within the context of a secure attachment relationship during the first three years of life. A child with attachment issues has failed to master this stage-specific task due to a lack of security and support. When a child experiences abuse, neglect, or interpersonal trauma early on, we tend to see a chronic inability to modulate emotions, behaviors, and impulses as they get older.
Maltreatment affects the biological and psychological ability to self-regulate and often leads to a variety of psychosocial problems, including aggression against self and others. There is even evidence that chronic stress experienced prenatally influences the biological development of stress reactivity and self-regulation later.
The mutual regulatory process
From birth to age 3, children rely heavily on parents and caregivers to help them learn to control their emotions, impulses and behavior. Secure attachment with a primary caregiver is critical to learning self-control. In a securely attached relationship, in which caregiver and infant are attuned to each other, they engage in a “mutual regulatory process.” In other words, the infant signals distress or hunger by crying, and the caregiver responds by comforting and feeding the child. The infant calms down. Conversely, when they talk and play with the infant, the caregiver influences the infant’s level of arousal, the child makes happy gurgling noises, and in response, the parent smiles or laughs. The reliable and appropriately responsive caregiver provides a balance of stimulation and soothing to modulate the infant’s level of arousal.
This mutual regulatory process breaks down under conditions of anxious attachment. In these situations, children often fail to develop self-regulation abilities because their caregivers did not provide the necessary support and security. Neglectful and abusive caregivers, or separations and other attachment disruptions, can result in chronic over- or under-arousal in infants and toddlers. Even six years later, research shows that attachment security during infancy is a predictor of self-control. Studies show that school-aged children who are securely attached are typically more successful in the classroom and in establishing positive relationships with their peers.
Meanwhile, children who lack attachment and are not able to regulate emotions, impulses and responses to external stress tend to develop an unhealthy internal working model (core beliefs) that leads to disturbances in their sense of self and how they view themselves. They have a harder time controlling impulses and developing intimate and trusting relationships. These children have frequent and prolonged temper tantrums, are accident-prone, impulsive and desperately seek attention not previously experienced. They are restless, irritable, have a brief attention span and have little frustration tolerance during the preschool years. By age 5, they are angry, oppositional, and show a lack of enthusiasm. Their inability to control impulses and emotions leads to aggressive acting out and lack of enduring and satisfying relationships with peers and others.
Self-regulation and the brain
When a young child experiences chronic and toxic stress (instead of secure attachment) it can impair the proper development of their brain circuitry, resulting in self-control problems. Several brain regions are involved in the ability to learn self-control skills. The prefrontal cortex, located behind the forehead, is involved in attention and organizational skills, including following rules, suppressing impulses, reasoning, and decision-making. The orbitofrontal cortex, located behind the eyes, is involved in decision-making and reward, especially when the decision involves a delay of gratification. The anterior cingulate receives messages from the various brain regions and regulates cognitive and emotional responses. It is involved in controlling behavior in challenging situations and adjusting behavior when a strategy is not working. These brain regions develop normally under conditions of safety and low to moderate stress, but development is impaired when there are high levels of stress and interpersonal trauma.
While early childhood experiences of trauma and neglect can interfere with the development of self-regulation, do not despair. Healing parents and caregivers, with help from a qualified mental health professional, can build secure attachment and teach better impulse control and decision-making.
