Think-It-Over Time is a very constructive, imposed consequence. It is similar to “time-out” in that the parent and child take a break, which can de-escalate a tense situation. However, Think-It-Over Time specifically aims to help a child learn, communicate and achieve positive change. There are three steps:
- Tell your child to sit for a brief time to think about their behaviors and choices. One or two minutes for each year of age is adequate. Don’t overdo it; this is not meant to be punitive. The think-it-over spot should be quiet, but not isolating for your child.
- When you are ready, not when your child demands, go to your child. Ask them the following questions: What did you do? It is important that they take responsibility for their actions and tell the truth. What were you thinking and feeling then? This helps to understand and communicate their perceptions and emotions. What’s a better choice next time? Help them find better solutions for the future.
- If your child responds appropriately — with honesty and without blaming others — give praise and a big hug. Smile, and tell them all is forgiven. If your child does not respond appropriately, say, “I guess you need more time to think about it; I’ll be back soon.” Some children refuse to comply. Either they won’t sit to think it over, or they keep getting up and annoying others. It is best to give choices calmly: “Honey, you can choose to listen to me, and think it over, and everything will go well, or you can choose not to listen, and you will have a consequence. What is your choice?” Let the chips fall where they may.
Securing compliance with Think-It-Over Time
- Three-and-a-half-year-old Tommy refuses to sit and think it over. Mom says, “I’ll be happy to give you your Legos when you think it over and we talk; let me know when you are ready.”
- Tina, age 8, keeps getting up from the think-it-over spot and engages family members in conversation. Dad says, “You can sit five minutes my way or 10 minutes your way. Either way is fine with me.” Dad is calm and steadfast no matter what Tina decides.
- Julie, age 11, flatly refuses to think it over. Mom says, “Bad choice, honey.” The parent does not engage in a power struggle with Julie but withdraws all privileges until the task is completed. “Take your time; just get it done before you ask me for anything,” Mom tells Julie.
Not sure how to deliver a consequence? Read more about that here.
