Each month, Dr. Levy answers a common question he has received from professionals, caregivers and parents during four decades of pioneering work on attachment theory, treatment and training.
The 10 Cs of parenting are the foundation for creating a healthy relationship with children. They are based on compassionate care, appropriate structure and mutual respect.
To build this foundation well, it’s also important to understand one of the Ds of parenting: “Discipline.” It comes from the root word “disciple,” which means “follower of a leader or teacher.” Yet discipline is not about employing a particular technique to encourage a child to achieve your desired outcome. Healthy, effective discipline instead depends on building the right relationship with a child to encourage his or her total development — mind, body, emotions, relationships, and values.
Parents who understand discipline and seek guidance from the 10 Cs of parenting really can have a positive influence on children. Below are the 10 Cs, which we will discuss in depth in a series of articles over the next months:
- Calm –To be calm is synonymous with being levelheaded, peaceful, patient and composed.
- Choices and Consequences – One of the most important jobs as a parent is to prepare children to function in the real world.
- Coaching – A coach is a mentor who guides, teaches, supports, motivates, and inspires positive values and characteristics in children.
- Commitment – Commitment is a promise and a pledge to be available to a child through thick and thin; a moral obligation to take certain actions and respond in certain ways, which leads to safety, security, and trust.
- Communication – Physical and emotional communication between caregiver and child is essential to building a connection.
- Confidence – Confidence is the ability to rely on yourself with assuredness and certainty.
- Connection – Connecting with children involves empathy, support, nurturance, structure and love. The ability to form and maintain positive connections is essential for healthy childhood development.
- Consistency – All children need consistent nurturance and stability, as a supportive framework to guide, organize, and regulate their behavior.
- Cooperation – Children need opportunities to learn about the give and take of relationships, including cooperation, empathy, and reciprocity.
- Creativity – When children experience significant stress, such as abuse and neglect, their limbic brains are primed for fight and flight, and they remain in a state of high stress and arousal.
Previous articles addressed questions about the Seven Functions of Secure Attachment, the Dependency Paradox, the importance of talking about trauma, the First Year Attachment Cycle, traits of successful and healthy adult relationships, the importance of hope as a part of treatment for trauma, the core concepts of child development, parenting strategies for deescalating conflict and the importance of touch to fostering attachment.
